Discovery of “Free Time” Revolutionizes Lives of Junior Class

Written by Emily Mazo, Staff Writer

While many Harriton students spent their winter break skiing in the Alps or hiking in Costa Rica, the chilly interlude left many with a never before encountered problem.

“I…I don’t know what to do,” stammered junior class member Alejio Jones during the second day of break, “I’ve already done all of my homework. I guess I’ll play Skyrim?”

For many area juniors, the sudden revelation that the 240 hours of winter break could not possibly be completely filled with APUSH notes made the holidays that much cheerier.

“I was writing DCP for my chem lab,” said IB Junior Ezra Avery, “and I was 14 pages in when I realized that I could be playing Minecraft instead. Whoa.”

Junior Sanjeep Goldberg nodded. “I was working on my Group 4 Project for hours, but then just stood up and went downstairs to spend time with my family. I don’t think I’ve seen my little brother in weeks. He was really happy to see me.”

Besides reuniting families, the newly discovered “free time” of Harriton juniors led to a surge in reported “entertainment.”

Many juniors, like Mr. Jones, sought out attention grabbing virtual amusement. Others decided to treat themselves to human interaction. Still others assessed that this period was the perfect moment to attempt to hone a skill unrelated to standardized test taking.

Junior Amber Sweet pledged on the first day of winter vacation to recreate the entire works of “EpicMealTime,” the viral YouTube cooking show.

On the second day of winter vacation, she could not be reached for comment.

The discovery of “free time” had a large impact on the local economy during the post-holiday shopping season. Many stores, such as pizza parlors and video game retailers saw an increase in spending from bedraggled 16 and 17-year-old students.

A manager of a local GameStop was overheard remarking to an employee about the surge of unshaven, undernourished, and sleep deprived customers in recent memory. Chipotle, on the other hand, saw no difference in sales.

For some juniors, “free time,” meant “more time to study.” Junior Michael Malley stated briefly “I have so much more time to work on Science Olympiad! Move, you’re standing too close to my oscilloscope, you could start a fire.”

It should be noted that most members of the Harriton High School Science Olympiad team were not aware of the new discovery, and continued to spend every empty waking minute studying.
The local police department could not be contacted for comment, but it can be presumed that crime did not increase during the week of winter break because of the newly discovered “free time.”

Juniors, as a species, are not known to be particularly belligerent or rebellious, if only because of their inability to think about or discuss anything other than the SATs and potential college admissions.

Harriton seniors appeared not to notice the break at all, as most of them have either slept through their classes in recent weeks or not attended school at all.

One senior, when asked how she spent her free time over winter vacation, asked, “Wait, what? We had a break from school?”

There was no observed difference in the lives of the freshman and sophomore classes, who are not known to engage in any type of school-related work in the first place.